Wonderland
by Danja
Summary: Helena visits her mother ... in the worst way possible. rr


Author: Danja

Disclaimer: Birds of Prey, its characters, and concepts are the property of Warner Brothers, Tollin-Robbins Productions & DC Comics.

Author's Note: I've personally spent some time in a psych ward. What you are about to see is -- for the most part -- true-to-life.

**Wonderland**

* * *

Helena stood in the checkout line at Shelton's mini-mart; she was carrying a six-pack of beer (bottled) and a bottle of aspirin.

She had asked Barbara for -- and received -- permission to take a night off from sweeps. Tonight was a night like no other; tonight was the anniversary of the death of her mother.

Tonight, she was on a pilgrimage. Tonight, she was going to visit her mother. She arrived at the cashier, paid for the beer and the aspirin, and walked out; she turned onto the sidewalk and headed for Times Square.

_I'm coming, Mother, _Helena thought.

Helena bought a single red rose from a flower vendor in Times Square. As night fell, she made her way up Park Avenue. All at once, she stopped. She kneeled down and laid the rose upon the sidewalk … on the exact spot where her mother was stabbed to death all those years ago.

The memories of that night were as fresh to her today as they were back then_: The blood … the weight of Selina Kyle's lifeless body in Helena's arms … the feel of her cold, clammy, dead skin…_

When she was finished, she caught a cab and went to St. Vincent's cemetery across town.

__

I'm coming, Mother….

* * *

St. Vincent's cemetery was both very old and very small … less than a quarter-acre. Helena found her mother's grave and sat down. She sat the bag containing the beer and aspirin down next to her. A bronze headstone inscribed with the name "SELINA KYLE", her year of birth, and her year of death marked the spot.

Once more, a flood of memories came rushing back towards her. _The funeral … it was attended by a lot of people Helena did not know at the time: Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Commissioner and Barbara Gordon … all came to witness the passing of a legend -- Catwoman. Bruce Wayne couldn't make it (He did pay his respects earlier in private, however). Even if he did, Helena wouldn't have recognized him … she never knew him growing up. All either she or her mother ever saw of him was a monthly child support check … issued on the sly by the Wayne Family Foundation._

Helena opened a bottle of beer and took a gulp. _I'll always be grateful to Barbara, _she thought. _Out of all the people who attended my mother's funeral, she was about the only one who ever saw me as a human being … as someone separate from my mother. To this day, her father -- Commissioner Gordon -- is convinced that his daughter has lost her mind. As far as he's concerned, I'm just a "bad seed" … a potential criminal in the making. _Helena smiled and shook her head. _Oh, if he only knew … I, Helena Kyle -- spawn of Catwoman, queen of the Gotham underworld -- carrying on the work of his beloved Batman. The irony of it all._

She opened the bottle of aspirin, poured out a handful of pills, swallowed them, and chased them with beer. After a while, she lapsed into a semi-conscious delirium and lay down on the grave.

__

I'm coming, Mother…

* * *

"Barbara, something's wrong", said Dinah. She was staggering and pinching the root of her nose.

"What is it?" said Barbara, turning away from her console in the Clocktower to face her. "You OK?"

Dinah shook her head. "I'm seeing … a vision."

"What are you seeing?"

"Helena … lying on her mother's grave … beer bottle in one hand, bottle of aspirin in the other."

_God, _Barbara thought. _The last time she had a vision, she saw both The Joker's attack on me and the death of Selina Kyle from over 1,000 miles away. _

_So far, her batting average has been perfect. _

"Gear up", said Barbara. "You're going out there."

"I don't know where it _IS_!" Dinah exclaimed.

"I do," said Barbara. "I'll guide you."

* * *

Upon arriving at the cemetery, Dinah frantically searched for Helena. She swept the area with a flashlight from the van. The beam finally caught Helena lying on top of her mother's grave. She rushed over to her side and found Helena in a state of semi-conscious delirium mumbling "I'm coming, Mother … I'm coming, Mother…" like a mantra.

"Helena!" Dinah screamed. She tapped Helena's face, attempting to get her attention. The aspirin-beer combination now kicking in, Helena lapsed into unconsciousness in Dinah's arms.

_Oh, no…_ thought Dinah. Dinah felt Helena's neck for a pulse. _Still strong … thank God._

"Call 911!" Dinah shouted into her earpiece. "She's alive … but barely." She then murmured to Helena, "Hang in there … help's on the way."

* * *

__

Helena found herself floating above her body; the world suddenly seemed to move in slow motion. She saw herself lying over her mother's grave; she was holding a beer bottle in one hand and a bottle of aspirin in the other. She could just barely make out the figure of a young woman with long blond hair (Dinah? What's SHE doing here? How did she find me?) kneeling beside her, cradling her head in her arms.

Helena then found herself being pulled upwards … upwards and far away from the grave. She then found herself suddenly enveloped in a brilliant white light.

All at once, Helena found herself standing on a deserted tropical beach. Coconut palms dotted the landscape around her. Powdery white sand lay underneath her feet. A shimmering turquoise-blue sea gently lapped the seashore in the distance. The warm sun hung high in the cloudless blue sky.

Where am I? She wondered.

"Helena?" said a familiar-sounding feminine voice behind her.

Helena stood up and looked behind her. Coming towards her was a petite and attractive-looking woman in her early-forties; she had blonde hair and was wearing a blue dress.

"Mother!" exclaimed Helena. She ran over to the blonde-haired woman and embraced her tightly. Tears of joy streamed down her face.

The woman -- Selina Kyle … formerly known as Catwoman -- hugged Helena tightly and stroked her hair.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "You're not supposed to be here … your time has not yet come."

Helena kissed Selina on the cheek. "I've missed you", said Helena.

"I've missed you too."

"Can you forgive me?"

"For what?"

"For … doing what I've done lately."

"For being a crimefighter?" said Selina with a chuckle. "I've known about THAT since you started!"

"You're not angry? I was afraid that I'd betrayed you."

"I know everything", said Selina quietly. "I know all about The Huntress … Barbara … Dinah."

Helena continued. "Do you know about Barbara's … past?" Selina nodded once more in reply. "Can you forgive me … for working with your worst enemy?" asked Helena.

"Batgirl was not my worst enemy", said Selina. She cast her eyes downward. She couldn't have been, Selina thought. I fell in love with him. "I couldn't have picked a better person to take care of you. Noble, compassionate, strong … they don't come any better than her."

* * *

The next morning, Barbara -- beside herself with worry -- sat to the left of Helena's bedside, keeping a silent vigil. A heart monitor beeped away behind Barbara.

Barbara reached over and shook Helena's shoulder, attempting to rouse her. "Helena, Helena…" she called out to her. _Dear God, I hope we're not too late, _Barbara thought.

_"Helena, you must go back", said Selina. "Your work is not yet finished."_

_"It doesn't bother you that I'm … hunting down people like Catwoman?" asked Helena._

_"I'd rather you do that than … make MY mistakes", said Selina. "Don't fight my battles. Barbara and Dinah are good people … go back to them. They need you."_

_"I don't want to lose you again."_

_"I will be with you … always", said Selina. "Not even death can separate us."_

_Selina and Helena embraced and kissed each other tenderly as Helena departed._

* * *

_Helena, talk to me, _Barbara bid silently with her mind. _What's going on inside you?_ She sighed. _This is one of those times where I wish I had Dinah's power of touch telepathy._

Helena stirred and let out a grunt.

"Helena … Helena!" Barbara called out to her as she shook her shoulder.

Helena opened her eyes and looked around the room. The walls were eggshell white. The steel door leading into the room had no knob -- only a (locked) deadbolt lock. The floors were of white linoleum tile. Two tiny rectangular windows situated near the ceiling at the far left of the room provided what little sunlight there was in the room.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"The psych ward at St. Anthony's Hospital", replied Barbara quietly.

Helena turned to face Barbara. "Why am I here?" she asked.

_Must be a blackout,_ thought Barbara. "Last night you tried to commit suicide. Dinah found you at your mother's grave."

"What time is it?"

Barbara looked at her watch. "9:42 a.m."

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Never mind me … I've made prior arrangements. I told the school that I would be late coming in," said Barbara. "I told them that I had a medical emergency to attend to ... I'm here because I want some answers"

"OK … where do we start?"

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" Barbara asked.

"I wanted to see my mother", said Helena. "What happened to me?"

"The hospital … pumped your stomach", said Barbara. "You swallowed about half a bottle of aspirin and chased it with beer."

"News to me…"

_Yep, it's a blackout, _Barbara thought.

Helena glanced nervously around the room. "My mother … came to me", she said in a hushed tone.

"Did she say anything to you?"

"She knows about you … and Dinah … and your … _past_", said Helena. "She said she also knows about Huntress."

"I see…"

"I can't help but wonder … did she _REALLY_ appear to me? Or did I just imagine the whole thing?"

"What do _YOU_ think? Do _YOU_ think she appeared to you?" Barbara replied. "For what it's worth, I've been around metahumans and witnessed enough paranormal phenomena long enough to conclude that … there is much in life that modern science cannot easily explain."

"She seemed to be proud of me", said Helena with a smile. "She was glad that I was trying to avoid … making her mistakes."

"My advice to you…" said Barbara. "…Is to just accept the experience at face value. If her appearance gave any comfort … any healing, any emotional peace … to you at all, I'm not going to begrudge you that." She then said with a smile, "There _are_ times in life when it's best not to probe _TOO_ deeply into events."

"How _DID_ Dinah find me?" Helena asked.

"She had … a vision … of you at your mother's grave", said Barbara. "Beyond that, I'm not even going to _BEGIN_ to hazard an explanation."

Helena smiled. "Barbara…" she said quietly. "Thanks … thanks for being here."

"I was worried about you", Barbara replied. "I was afraid I'd lost you."

"I was afraid you'd forgotten … about the anniversary."

Barbara shook her head. "I can't forget", said Barbara. "So long as I sit in this chair, I can never forget."

* * *

"Why did she want to kill herself?" asked Dinah later on that day in the Clocktower Comm Center. Helena had been released from the hospital earlier that day; the staff had determined that she no longer posed a threat either to herself or to someone else.

"Short answer … she wanted to see her mother", Barbara replied. "I think the anniversary might've had something to do with it as well."

"Anniversary?"

"Last night was the anniversary of her mother's death."

"OmiGod", Dinah exclaimed. "I'm sorry … I didn't know!"

"You couldn't have known", said Barbara. "It was before your time. Anyway, it's not uncommon for grieving people to exhibit bizarre behavior -- up to and including attempting suicide -- at certain times of the year … birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, Christmas, dates of death … dates that were meaningful to the deceased loved one."

"Guess she's still hurting, huh?"

"Grief … has its own timetable", said Barbara quietly.

* * *

__

Once more, Helena found herself standing on the seashore.

What am I doing here? she wondered.

"Mother?" Helena cried out to the air.

"I'm here, Helena", said Selina from behind her.

Helena turned around to face Selina. She cupped Selina's jaw in her hands.

"I hope I'm not bothering you", said Helena.

"You're never a bother to me, Helena", said Selina. "You never have been."

"There's something I don't understand", said Helena. "How did Dinah find me? She's not normally known for being a clairvoyant. She had that one vision … of us and Barbara … and that was it."

"She knew because I told her", she said with a smile.

"YOU told her?"

Selina nodded. "I feared for your life", said Selina, serious now. "You're still my daughter ... I still love you … and I always will. Not even death can change that."

Helena embraced Selina and put her head on her shoulder. Selina stroked Helena's hair tenderly. "Not even death can separate us", she whispered into Helena's ear.

THE END


End file.
